dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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