God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
