My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
