They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
