so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
