Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
