Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
