dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
