My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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