I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We have started to decorate penises.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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