i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Im part way to drunk.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
