Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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