I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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