we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
