Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
