just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
