i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
