Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
