evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
