I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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