Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
