surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
