I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
