so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
