Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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