they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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