I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
