Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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