Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
