dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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