I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
