Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
operation have a gay friend backfired
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
