I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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