If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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