i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
