i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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