Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
