apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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