If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I would ride that face into the sunset
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
