I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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