Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
