this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
