I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
