just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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