just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
