meet me or not, i'm out of control
Come see our sink grown plant.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
