how do flat chested girls get laid?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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