I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
