after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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