whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
