i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
